I’ve been thinking a lot about the foods that I’m scared to eat. It’s not a long list, despite the lack of foods I actually eat. It’s just that only some really worry me.
- Bananas, There are so many calories. I adore bananas, however I can’t do 90 calories in a small banana. That’s just too much.
- Bread, I adore bread, buns, rolls, and crackers. The trouble is I worry that I will just keep eating. Breads turn to sugar in your body and that concerns me. This also includes Pizza, which fits into other categories here, as well. All that cheese and bread and grease, occasionally it sounds really good, but I have yet to eat any.
- Dairy, Cheese, milk, butter, etc. All things I enjoy, but also things I’m worried I won’t be able to leave alone.
- Meat, specifically anything besides chicken tenders. I have never been a big meat-eater. I became vegetarian in middle school. But my body craves the meat constantly and I can’t always control that. I have found that chicken tenders do the trick and I only crave those when I’m stoned.
- Nuts, There is so much fat in nuts and when I have them in the house, I binge until I’m sick. This includes nut butters.
- Pasta, Similar to bread, anything with pasta makes me terribly hungry and terrified at the same time. Before the switch flipped entirely in my brain, I was living on pasta. I worry that even one bite will take me back there.
- Pastries, This includes doughnuts, muffins, danish, any desserts and sweets. I work around this stuff all day every day, however the thought of eating any of it, well I worry I won’t be able to stop.
- Restaurants, Eating at a restaurant I haven’t planned for is terrifying. I will spend an hour reading the menu over and over trying to find the least toxic item. The restaurants I agree to go to usually have a salad bar or salad options. I want to send thank you letters to any restaurant offering calorie counts on their menus, otherwise, I am forced to look them up on my phone beforehand. Yes I have ordered lettuce, bell peppers, and salsa with nothing else, when I have to go to Chipotle with friends or family. It’s a meal but it’s not overly delicious.
- Rice, It’s a starch, and it converts to sugar in the body, just like wheat and grain products. Once converted to sugar, it stores in the body as fat. I try to avoid as many starches as possible.
I’m sure that I have other foods I’m afraid to eat, however this is all I can remember right now. Obviously most of my fears stem from losing control. Once I start, will I be able to stop. After high school, when therapy helped me overcome the disorder, I began eating again. I had a relapse in college, following this I fell into a depression when I dropped out. I began eating and eating until I was enormous. It was a long time before the switch clicked over again.
Coming up soon is a list of my Safe Foods. I think that list might be shorter than this one. That worries me a little, actually.