Not Enough

I may have mentioned that I have considered getting help for this after the craziness of the holidays has subsided.  But then I realized that the only way I will ever be “sick enough,” in my mind, is if I’m in need of In-Patient Care.  My brain keeps telling me that unless it becomes necessary to be hospitalized, I’m still just doing this to lose weight.  So I’m not quite sick enough yet.  I guess the challenge continues.  Either I get to that point or I hit some other, unpleasant level (I’m thinking of Organ Failure).  Whichever comes first, I guess.

It still hurts to eat so that just makes fasting easier.  I keep telling myself that real anorexics don’t eat at all.  Those 2 pickled okra I ate today are more than I should have had.

Does anyone else out there feel like a Fake-orexic?

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4 comments on “Not Enough

    • It’s an awful feeling. Like, you know you are killing yourself and you know you should stop, but at the same time you feel like its all a lie and shouldn’t anorexics not KNOW they are sick? More insanity in my head, I guess.

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