I Already Feel Myself Slipping

So last night, nothing unusual for me, but I got baked out of my mind and ate.  I had some of those miracle noodles with no calories, a squirt of ranch dressing, a bit of zero calorie dressing, some carrot and cabbage slaw we canned up, 1 tsp of Parmesan in a can.  Then I had a slice of whole wheat bread with a little bit of honey on it, followed by a squirt of pancake syrup, a tsp of peanut butter (not even that much, really), and applesauce, homemade and unsweetened.

Now ask me today how I feel…

I feel like a fucking cow.  I gained a pound, obviously, and I want to die.  I’m so disgusted by myself.  I need to live alone so I don’t have to own any groceries.  I hate every inch of myself and I don’t even want to leave the house.  My work pants feel a bit snug despite being a size too large.  More evidence that I am a cow.  As punishment, I will refrain from smoking for the next three days and fast during that time.  But if I could just not be alive anymore, that would be better.  I want to throw up.  I wanted to throw up after the first bowl of noodles which with the vegetables was still under 100 calories.  Now I want to cut my body open and scrape out the fat.  I’m a disgusting person who doesn’t deserve to run this little blog.


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