Well I did it. I managed to get the words out. Now she knows. She hasn’t acted any different towards me, much to my relief. She asked how I overcame this when I had it in high school. I explained about therapy, but I also said I didn’t want to get better. She never pressured me to eat or get help, or change. I honestly don’t deserve a best friend like her. At first she was speechless, what do you say to something like that? But then she just kept saying she wished she had a magic wand to make it all better. She told me that was why I got so sick a while back. She asked how it was possible for my family to not know, all I could say was they keep telling me how proud they are of me. When we went bowling the next night, she didn’t make me explain to the others in the group why I wasn’t having any of the bowling alley food, she just told them that I don’t eat that sort of stuff. I was nervous about it, but she handled it for me. I don’t know how I ended up with her, someone must have made a mistake and given her to the wrong person. I was terrified to tell her.
I’m glad she knows, because I have noticed some new changes. I have been getting short of breath lately, nothing severe. Today I was wrapping cookies at work and had to force myself to take a deep breath. Little things like that. My heart rate has been dropping, but I bought a monitor for that. It should be here in the next few days. I also get this fluttery, almost jittery feeling in my entire body sometimes. I’m not sure what that means, if it means anything at all. I guess if I pass out, she can tell the paramedics why. My stomach hasn’t been cramping as badly as it was, but it growls constantly. Even when I do eat something, it continues growling. I have tiny cramps in my calves. It’s not painful, just little twinges that I notice from time to time. My blood sugar has also been dropping, which leaves me light-headed and I feel like I might pass out. Food doesn’t taste good anymore, and nothing ever sounds appetizing. I’m constantly freezing and my skin is very pale.