That point

Do you ever reach that point, where you are so sick that you don’t even try to hide it anymore? You don’t care who knows that you don’t eat or make yourself throw up when you do eat. It’s like second nature. I don’t have to think about it anymore. It’s just what I do and I don’t even care who knows. But then you still have so many walls built up that you can’t actually tell the important people. So you just hint at it and hope they figure it out on their own. Because the look of disappointment and rejection would be too much for you if you had to actually say the words to their face. So you hope they pick up on what you want them to know and maybe that look will change by the time they decide you need help. Maybe they will slip quietly away instead of openly rejecting you. Maybe I do have a problem. Yeah, maybe.  Or maybe I’m just starved for attention. Maybe I’ll just admit it, I have an eating disorder.  

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