Went drinking tonight.  Three beers and barely a ripple from them.  But of course, since I can’t allow anyone to see me in a vulnerable state, I had some french fries with them.  I know I will regret it in the morning at weigh in, but I needed the night.  On the bright side, my urine is no longer the colour of a Lager.  So bonus points for rehydrating myself!  I could explain why I needed to drink, but tbh, I just needed it.

And amazingly, my best friend was actually worried about me driving home.  She has told me before that she would drive me if I ever got too trashed.  Am I the only person who is amazed to discover that people actually care about them?  Like, I constantly find it shocking when someone likes me.  I just want to ask them WHY.  Why in god’s name do you like me?  What is it that made you want to befriend me?  I never ask, of course, but I always wonder.

On an unrelated note, does anyone else have these flashes of people or places?  I have been having these flashes of people who I know are my friends, a small group of people, and they are doing things and having fun.  Always the same group of people.  It’s like I’m supposed to be with them, but I’m trapped in this completely different world.  I’ve been having similar feelings about Colorado for a couple of years.  I’ll be driving and then have this “shift” where I feel like I need to be heading to Colorado for some reason.  No, it has nothing to do with pot.  Both of them seem extremely real at the time.  The feeling of not belonging here has plagued me for most of my life, but only recently have the flashes begun.  I’m sure this means I’m crazy…please don’t have me committed.


4 comments on “Whatever

    • The flashes are just quick seconds in my mind where I see a group of people that I know must be my friends but I haven’t met them yet. They are usually engaged in some activity. I know I have this longing to join them and the flash comes with this feeling that they are still waiting for me even though they don’t know me either. The Colorado ones are just feelings I get while doing something, usually driving. I’ll be driving and then have this feeling that I should be heading to Colorado. I have never been to Colorado.

      It’s entirely possible that I’m just slightly crazy, of course.


      • Ok you aren’t crazy. Outsiders will think we are crazy. But ignorant people always think unknown things are scary or crazy. Unless you are on drugs when it happens then there is no reason to think you are crazy!

        I have very similar flashes!! Mine happen differently. My family has this…connection I guess you would say. I told my therapists this. Some people just have it. Like the clairvoyant thing.

        I get flashes where I see the future. I cannot control it. It always comes as a déjà vu. I have yet to figure out how to tap into it ya know?

        But for the people one, I have those flashes! Mine are more like I will be moving among people, and randomly I’ll look at someone and everything just slows down and I see the person and it is a very intense feeling like you are saying but I know I don’t know them yet. Then creepily in the future I end up meeting the person and having a strong interaction and/or relationship with them. Unintentionally. So ya I know that feeling.

        I say be proud of it. :] it is a cool thing to have. One of my friends and I talk about it: that we all have these abilities innately. But as we get older we get more selfish and disconnect from others and focus less on these connections.

        So I try hard to foster my abilities by recognizing them and not being scared. But they happen when they do.

        And no you are not crazy. :]

        Maybe there is some destiny or fate for you in Colorado.

        I recently had this flash where I was dreaming I was driving through this one roadway in California. It was very very strong. I had never been there before. And then I took a road trip with my boyfriend and he decided to avoid traffic and we ended up on that road for no particular reason. Scared me pretty bad!! Very very intense déjà vu! Big panic attack because I had been there and seen it without actually ever having been there before.

        But why was it scary?

        I knew to pull over and perform CPR on someone.

        Can’t explain that shit.

        So Ana for Life. I believe things happen to us for a reason. Being anorexic we are more apt to be empathetic. And I think with that we are more connected to others.

        Ok now you think I’m crazy. 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one dealing with this. I definitely understand the clairvoyant aspect. I’ve seen spirits and shadows my entire life. At my old house, they would wake me from a sound sleep. I don’t really see them in my new apartment. I think the house was an overly active zone. I don’t know, maybe we are both crazy! Haha 😈

        Liked by 1 person

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