The Cure

Every now and then you have those days, or several of them, where you absolutely eat anything in sight.  I hate those days, they make me feel like shit.  I’m not talking about having a binge, at least not in the usual sense of the word.  These are the days where you give yourself permission to eat and then you just don’t stop.  You have a bite here and then a snack later, on and on.  These days are more like what a healthy person experiences…several small meals and snacks a day.  I typically don’t consume enough calories on these days to call it a “normal day,” however I do eat considerably more than usual.

So how do you break the cycle when it happens?  My only cure, and it works for me, is to force a fast the next day.  I will skip and skip and restrict until I’m weak the next day.  This forces my stomach to shrink back down.  Is it hard?  You bet your ass.  Would I love to just go get ice cream with friends after we devour an entire pizza?  Duh!  But I know if I continue eating whatever I want, whenever I want, I’ll be as big as a house.  So I force myself to wait.  Does this work for everyone?  Nope.  Do I recommend this?  I only recommend finding it in yourself to love the person you are, be happy with yourself.

Needless to say, after a couple of days of having more than I should, I forced a fast today.  Naturally it came on the one day I was working 11 hours solid.  Naturally, it’s also the one day when the entire city decided to drop by the shop.  So I am fucking starving, completely devoid of brain activity, and beyond exhausted.  Thank the stars for drugs and alcohol.  My saving grace.

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2 comments on “The Cure

  1. when i have these sort of grazing snack days my biggest problem is that my metabolism speeds up so it makes me hungrier over the next few days and then i’m more tempted to continue eating. what helps me is setting very strict rules at the beginning of each day calorie and food content wise (i can’t eat any meat, i can’t have anything except liquid calories, i can’t have any carbs, i have to consume less than 300 calories – usually the rules depend on what snack foods have been most tempting for me, because i need to cut those out first) and then i make sure that i follow them

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    • That seems like a good plan. Do what works for you. I tend to stay below 300 calories almost everyday and I’m usually fasting, so this works for getting me back together. Rules are such an important component of Anorexia, and all eating disorders, really. I have so many rules that I can’t always remember them all. Good luck, remember you are beautiful, despite what your brain tells you.

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