Nothing major is going on in my life, or at least nothing I want to discuss. So I just have little bits of things to post right now.
First off, I got my second job and started yesterday. A four-hour shift gave me a fifteen minute break. I work 7-8 hours at my other job with no breaks at all. I actually found the time to sit a bit boring. The place is absolutely freezing, so sitting still almost killed me.
Second, I was terribly sick yesterday morning. I had eaten a considerable about the day before. I have found that if I start eating, anything at all, in the morning, then I eat all day. Since I had little sister over the weekend, she needed breakfast and I don’t have food in the house for her, so I took her out to breakfast. But of course that meant I needed to eat as well. Which brings me back to my dilemma of eating in the morning. Needless to say, I was sick from eating the day before. And I worked yesterday morning. (My boss is convinced that I’m pregnant because I have so much nausea lately) It got so bad that I actually threw up, undigested food from the day before. Food shouldn’t last that long in your stomach.
Third, A friend of mine told me my iron is too low. Duh! But she asked me if I would take iron supplements if she had her boyfriend buy them for us both. She always asks me if I ate today whenever I complain of feeling sick. Apparently someone out there notices the crap I do.
Fourth, I was too tired and cold last night to do anything. I fell asleep on the balcony for a few minutes. I had on a sweatshirt and long-sleeve shirt, sweat pants, socks and a blanket. When I came in and got in bed, I added a second sweatshirt and two more blankets. I mentioned how cold it was and my roommate was a little snotty, saying it’s not THAT cold. Like “bitch pls, I’m freezing so back off.” I was so tired from working both jobs yesterday and visiting the parentals for Mum’s birthday, that I fell asleep without smoking or opening my laptop.
Fifth, I’m concerned that since all interested parties are aware that I am not able to workout right now, they may begin to question the continued weight loss. Questioning that may lead to them noticing my lack of eating. I do my best to let others see me eat at least once in a while, to dispel myths and concerns.
Sixth, I still find it difficult to eat anything. I know that many ppl with eating disorders stay in the 500-600 calories a day area, but I struggle to make it to 100 calories a day, often going days with zero calories. I’m seeing the negative side effects, of course, but I can’t stop. TBH, I don’t always want to stop, what I WANT is to be beautiful.