Yes, you read that title correctly. I have some happy moments to share. While this is a rare occurrence in my life, I feel it necessary to share them rather than guard them.
First happy moment: I have become more than a little obsessed with a new TV show–The Royals on E! Sounds silly to be considered a happy moment, but lately the shows I have always enjoyed have brought me less and less satisfaction. Of course this is entirely my problem and not poor writing on the show’s part. Anyway, I find that I am more than a little similar to Princess Eleanor. Though I have no access to drugs as of yet, I crave them with every fiber of my being. I do have an unbelievable tolerance for alcohol and have been drinking more lately. So the pain I see in the princess is remarkably similar to my own. Plus she is beautiful and her bodyguard is so freaking hot. Only 5 episode in of the 10 episode season and they already renewed for season 2, check it out. It’s worth it, I swear.
Second happy moment: So this second one is a bit more personal. I have been reflecting on myself, rather a lot lately. I have been analyzing my astrological sign. Yes I buy into that. I am a Scorpio. I read a thing that said Scorpio’s tend to miss the people in their life who care about them because they are too caught up looking at the one’s they want but can’t have. It was written more eloquently than that, but you get the gist. This made me think about people who have been in my life and may have wanted to be closer to me but were unable because like a brat I was too busy looking the other way. I thought of some people who may have qualified. One in particular.
Third happy moment: So in thinking about this particular person, I discovered my total blindness. I emailed him, gave him my cell number and suggested hanging out sometime. Lacking any confidence made this whole ordeal a major undertaking. When he emailed back a few hours later I almost died. Seeing his email include his cell number and the send off “hope to see you soon,” made my heart stop. I brought up the courage to text him. He responded. Casual conversation ensued and the topic remained light, nothing too personal. Of course I managed to compliment him as much as possible. (I seriously suck at flirting) I admitted to trying to stay sane and also to failing miserably at the task. I had to warn him, after all. Like a pro he informed me that in our line of work, sanity was impossible. (Both of us trained as teachers, it’s how we met, college cohort) He then went on to admit that he needed to get out more and BINGO, we have an opening! He said his friends were too responsible to hang out. Being LARGELY irresponsible myself, I felt compelled to help him. I told him I needed some sort of social life and then, because I must have put on my Confidence Knickers, I asked him if he wanted to help me with that. Certainly. He said Certainly. He immediately reminded me of his geekyness but suggested a few things we could do. In an attempt to calm his nerves, and mine, I reminded him just how geeky I happen to be. I told him his ideas were awesome. He had suggested, among other things, video games. Now I was raised by teachers, video games did not exist in my world. I told him I had never played but I would give it a try if he promised not to laugh. He was not phased at all. My Confidence Knickers were soaring at this point, because I told him I was always free and asked when he wanted to hang? I think my heart ACTUALLY stopped when he said “today.” He suggested I could come by his place, he also still lives with his parents. He also said he was ready to go right then and there. Being as I am house sitting, and in no shape to meet parentals, I suggested he come over to my place. He asked for the address. I told him I’d put the alcohol in the fridge. But of course added jk to the message. I was gauging his response with this text. If he claimed to never drink, then I should guard my liquid habits. He said he would be over and I still wasn’t really believing this was actually happening.
Fourth happy moment: Dorky Cute Boy Arrives. So he comes over. It’s almost 3 pm when he arrives and I am a bundle of nerves. I think the entire time I was waiting on him to arrive I was worried he would show up and realize I was not the person he thought he was texting. We hadn’t spoken or seen each other in a year. And before you brush off my fears, I have had a guy do this to me before. He showed up thinking I was one of the other HOT friends only to be openly disappointed when he saw me. So that fear is real and I had it. I still kinda worry, actually. Anyway, he showed me the store of games he brought with him. Each one more nerdy than the one before, and I didn’t even care. I like nerdy, I own nerdy. We played a ton of games, most of which I sucked at, except Yahtzee (the Dr. Who version, of course). That I beat him at every time, until I finally relented and suggested a new game. At this point I had been awake for more than 24 hours and was slowing becoming more and more sleepy. We ended up on the couch with his laptop and some games. I was freezing and bundled up in my hoodie. He, on the other hand was in a t-shirt and cargo shorts, and also giving off a ton of body heat. Naturally, I scooted closer. He didn’t seem to mind, or possibly didn’t notice. At some point I believe I dozed off, and not just once either. But he didn’t mind. I had already told him of being awake for so many hours. I leaned my head on his shoulder while we played game after game on his laptop, mixed in with watching YouTube videos and looking at pictures of cute puppies. Yep, he had pictures of puppies! Again, my Confidence Knickers were taking the reigns. At some point he asked if he needed to tuck me in since I was so sleepy. I almost fainted. He didn’t mind when I said the dog needed a walk and he walked with me through the neighborhood while we chatted about books. He is an avid reader of fantasy and syfy. I told him he would need to write down all the books he was suggesting because I would never remember them all and they sounded interesting. We played more games and looked at more videos, laughed a ton, and I snuggled against him slightly. He’s a geek, I didn’t want to freak him out or make him uncomfortable. At some point he said he needed to go. Of course it wasn’t at midnight, when his parents texted to see when he would be home. And it wasn’t at 2 AM when he said it was happy hour at the Steak and Shake and we could get milkshakes. No, it was at 4 AM, when he said the traffic wouldn’t be an issue. So for those of you doing the math, that’s 13 hours of hanging out with a boy I hadn’t seen in over a year and only then saw in class, never socially. I honestly think if I hadn’t been awake for 38 hours at that point, he would have stayed longer. And I would have been more than happy to cook him breakfast and watch the sunrise with him.
Fifth happy moment: The final happy moment is more a compilation. I spent the entire time smiling and laughing and having an amazing time. And more than once I caught him smiling back at me with a goofy sort of smile. Not like a “oh that’s funny” smile, but a genuine “I think I might like you” sort of smile. Now, I have ZERO experience with guys, I mean ZERO. I make friends with them more easily than girls, because Oh the drama, but never do I make friends in a let’s date sort of way. So I may be misreading all of this. <Please message me and give me some feedback!>
I was smart enough to suggest we do this again, more than once, and said the next time I would not be so tired and would be able to understand the games on his computer. He said we would need another person for one of the games he wanted to show me. I told him that would be on him because I didn’t know anyone else to invite. I also joked and said he was trying to get rid of me because he hated hanging out with me all alone. He didn’t agree.
Being the insane person I am, I didn’t trust him with the inner workings of me, though I did tell him about getting blackout drunk. I don’t think he is much of a drinker, and truthfully, I need someone like that in my life. Especially since my original plans involved a bottle of Vodka and a bottle of Diet Pepsi. But I gave away some information here and there. Nothing too personal. Yes, I have trust issues. No, I will not just open up to him or anyone else. No, I don’t care what you think about that. It’s who I am, deal with it.
Final thoughts: I have spent the entire day thinking about our hang out, analyzing everything. Yes, I’m neurotic. I have also spent the day praying he would text me. I didn’t want to be the first one to text. 1. Because I had already done that, and 2. Because I wanted to see if he was as interested in me as I am in him, him texting me would tell me that. I also don’t want to come off as desperate or clingy. But I have been thinking about it all day and willing myself to not text him. I don’t think I have ever had more fun in my entire life. I just can’t be more giddy about it. But since I have issues, I am secretly waiting for him to reject me or ignore me, or tell me his girlfriend wants to get back together and he can’t see me anymore (yeah, a guy I liked and hung out with a few times, said this to me once). I believe I am justified in my fears. Most people either continually let me down or disappear from my life. The fears are real and have a solid backing.
All in all, he is an amazingly sweet and good-hearted guy. I am actually rooting for him. Does he look like Adam Levine or Tom Austen? Nope. Do I care? Nope.