Why Disney made me hate myself

If you are like me, you grew up on Disney movies.  I don’t mean the cheesy afterschool specials, though I suppose those will qualify within the topic at hand.  I mean the full length features we all know well–Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Peter Pan, The Hunchback of Notre Dame…

I grew up memorizing these films, watching them over and over back to back.  I can quote most of them.  Probably the happiest memories of my childhood are from watching movies.

But they also led me to hate myself.  How?  Well let’s break down a Disney film here.  How about Snow White, we all know that one.

Little girl is born to loving parents, she is gorgeous from birth–raven black hair, perfect pale skin, ruby-red lips, charming personality, and so on.  Then tragedy, and now an evil stepmother.  So she goes to the woods where 7 strange men fall in love with her beauty and charm.  She befriends the animals.  Has a voice like an angel, they all do.  She still trusts the crazy old woman who tries to kill her.  A hot man falls in love with her the moment he lays eyes on her.  His kiss is perfect and pure.  They live happily ever after.

Ok, it’s an abbreviated version, but whatever.

How that affects me—

  • I was cute at birth, shocking, I know, but I have proof of that.  However as I got older, I did not have the perfect skin and ruby lips, my hair was a dirty blonde but it was also curly.  Name one Disney princess with curly dirty-blonde hair.  I was charming as a child, though life left me bitter as time passed.
  • I was born to loving parents and no neither have died nor are they divorced.  But I was not their top priority either.  They did not dote.  As a baby they did, but as careers took off, baby become less important.
  • Not one single person has ever been amazed or amused or anything by my charm alone.  Not even 7 crazy old men.
  • I am marginally good with strange animals, though no baby deer have come to sit in my lap.
  • My singing I once thought was good until Daddy said I sounded like a train wreck.  I only sing loudly in the car now, nowhere else.
  • I have never dated, nor had anyone remotely interested in kissing me, so clearly a man has never fallen in love with me just by looking at me.
  • I doubt I will live happily ever after.

All the stories follow the same pattern, beautiful girl with a heart of gold tames the man and they live forever in bliss.  So at an early age, I grew to expect certain things–1. I would be beautiful someday, 2. A guy somewhere would actually want me, 3. I would be happy and in love early in life.

I’m still waiting…

Growing more and more hateful of my own existence as the days grow on.

Thank you Walt Disney, I love you too…mother fucker.

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